September 4, 2025
No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.
I was 16 then, when one fine morning, I woke up with a swollen left ankle. My mother thought, I must have had twisted my ankle at volleyball practice the day before. Unfortunately; the pain just got worse instead of becoming better. It was only a matter of few days, when the local Orthopedist diagnosed my condition as Rheumatoid Arthritis. My part of the world wasn’t introduced to a Rheumatologist till then.
Life had suddenly changed and surely not for the good. From then onwards, and through that entire decade, sitting for long hours was extremely painful for me. Getting out of the bed in the morning was one of the most difficult tasks to perform, as my neck and back would be sore and stiff. On some lucky days, when the pain would be slightly less, I would feel blessed. Just to clarify here; these weren’t no-pain days, they were just slightly less painful mornings :). I had a lot of discomfort around my heels and the calf muscles were perpetually in pain. I already had faced couple of episodes of severe eye inflammation (painful and bloodshot eyes). By the way, these were my peak education years.
Soon I realised that I needed a more detailed investigation done. So, I went to a rheumatologist and was diagnosed of my actual condition — I had Ankylosing Spondylitis. Simply put, I was living with a progressive disease in which the long-term inflammation of my spinal joints was resulting in calcium deposits on my vertebras, initially restricting the body movement and eventually fusing my bones. By 2008, I already had 2 fused bones.
More than physical, it was the emotional pain that had started to drain me out. I started feeling that I wasn’t destined to be equal to my peer group. I was slouching a lot with a severely bent neck and upper shoulder frame. I started fearing about my future. For someone who has always been independent, it was a too much of a shock to visualise that sooner or later I will have to depend on and be assisted for the rest of my life. I had the fear that I won’t be able to raise a child well, as I will never have that kind of energy to be able to match up to my kid. Moreso, it’s a genetic disorder so may get carried forward. It was then in 2009, when my then wife,won her argument that each one of us is born with their own fate and hence we welcomed “Arav” into our lives the very next year. And with him, started my silent transformation journey.
Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.
For an AS patient, bed rest is certainly not recommended as this speeds up stiffening of the spine. However, if you’re in intense pain, it’s “impossible” to exercise, in fact you find it difficult to move around. So, you first wish to treat the pain, which just wouldn’t happen. I got this realisation after good 5–7 years and multiple attempts with Yoga, morning walks & Gym, but with hardly any will power. It was a god darn vicious cycle. In 2010, I tried again, this time more aware on what’s happening with me/my body. I planned to gradually build up the intensity and amount of exercise. At times, I would do too much workout too soon, making the pain worse. I, of course took support of Non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) to reduce pain and DMARDs to reduce the damage. Quite honestly, apart from the pain killers, the NSAIDs & DMARDs brought in only various side effects but they are a necessary evil even today.
During 2010–12, Arav’s energy made me realise how I was short on the stamina. I felt helpless & wanted some quick results. My daily morning walks weren’t of much use, but started giving me confidence that early morning physical exercise may help. I kept doing the walks but I knew that wasn’t enough. I tried my hands on Yoga but got bored as quickly. Then I started my tennis lessons & cycling. I had also started to pick pace along with Arav, as he took his first steps.
As life would have it, Arav met with a life-threatening accident in 2011 and he got bed ridden with multiple fractures. Interestingly, other than the first two nights when he screamed his lungs out, I don’t remember any misery. That one and half year-old, fought it out like a soldier. He had never crawled till then, but there he was; dragging himself all over and out of it. He showed me how easy it was to overcome your problems in life — Just ADAPT!